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A Year of Living Musically

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As part of my healing journey, I’ve been focusing heavily on getting back to who I am. I read a theory that says addicts get ‘stuck’ in the phase of life they were in when the addiction took hold. I've no idea if there's validity to this theory, but I've very much been thinking about where I got stuck.  For me, that time is my mid 20s. I transitioned from casual, typical weekend binge drinking in my early 20s to leaning on alcohol to ease my stress. In my early 20s: got married at 21, relocated to a new state and town, dropped out of college, immediately got pregnant and had a kid at 22, and received my first autoimmune condition diagnosis at 22. Drinking was still primarily limited to weekends, but the more life threw at me, the more my drinking amped up. I specifically remember the first time I got drunk by myself. Shame? Nope, I was so proud of myself for pulling that off and not getting caught. By the time I was 29 and had a second kid, I was a daily drinker.  So retur
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Into the Mystic

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  August 25, 2024 Musical Empathy Tonight I was feeling both restless and lonely, an odd combination that I didn’t know what to do with. Therapy has taught me that when I’m feeling restless, it’s my body’s way of telling me I’m feeling an emotion I haven’t processed. When I’m restless, I can’t focus my brain on any single thing. If someone asks me what’s wrong when I’m feeling restless, my honest answer is I don’t know. Everything. Nothing.   I needed to solve this if I wanted any sleep. I grew up learning not to express emotions. Good, bad, didn't matter. I also grew up in a house that loved music. Always music playing. I associated my feelings with music. I learned to associate emotions with music. We couldn't talk about fear, love, pain, joy, beauty, tragedy. So that's how I learned to feel.  Musical empathy Without glasses I closed my eyes because I couldn’t see what I was typing anyhow. Free flow no rform Fighting the rules Always following the rule
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Hashimoto's Update

My blog has no theme, no common thread other than myself, no order, no regularity. I don't care. You all don't see the 217 other times I wrote in my blog and never clicked on Publish! Anyhow, I was first welcomed into the loving embrace of a body that wants to eat itself when I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's thyroiditis in 1996. Since then I have battled my body. I've weeped. I've cussed. I felt ashamed because so many people have chronic conditions that are way more debilitating than mine. I have tried 974 (OK, don't count on the accuracy of my numbers) different things to feel better. That's for another post. My point. I've tracked a lot of medical data for 20+ years. My spreadsheets are to be admired. After today's checkup with my AMAZING Hashimoto's doctor, I had to show some of the dramatic changes. First, a disclaimer. Weight is a very sensitive subject for people. I only posted changes in my weight to show how volatile my body is when I am
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