Honor

The past few weeks, I've had the honor of spending lots of one-on-one time with my mother. Granted, it was partially at the cost of losing my Daddy, her husband of 61 years. The past few years especially, I've tried really hard to visit my parents regularly. Like any adult child with a relationship with their living parents, I felt guilty I couldn't spend more time with them. With both of their health declining the past decade or so, they rarely went further than the doctor's office or grocery store pickup. They hadn't driven to visit us in Little Elm since their 50th wedding anniversary party we hosted for them. Mom has pretty advanced rheumatoid arthritis and hasn't driven or gotten around very easily in many years. Dad still drove them on their few errands and appointments up until his last hospital stay. The last time he drove, he went to Kroger to pick up their grocery order...after he'd just recently gotten home from the hospital a previous time. His doctor had told him not to drive. 

Back to my time with Mom the past few weeks. I am so magnificently fortunate to have a flexible company. We have unlimited PTO and remote flexibility. I've been able to work from my mom's house as needed. More importantly, I've been able to take time off here and there to get Mama settled, safe, and with everything she needs. My family has continued to take up the slack at home while I have been gone, and my sister and I have kept in close communication with what Mama needs and how we can best take care of her.

Mama and I have had some great talks since Daddy died. It is very rare for me to have focused time with just one person in my family. Being able to spend time with Mama is precious. While she can't get around very well at all, her mind is still quite sharp and organized at 82 years old. We had quite the adventure driving through Deep Ellum and downtown Dallas. In the early 60s before having my oldest sister, she worked as a secretary/file clerk for an insurance company in downtown Dallas. I showed her the building where I worked at Bank of America in downtown Dallas for several years. 

When we passed a young man riding a motorized scooter, she said, "could you imagine if I rode one of those right now, my nightgown flying in the wind?" We both laughed, and I told her we can buy her one! This is the woman who didn't want to drive us as kids to anywhere that required driving on a highway. She ALWAYS drove under the speed limit in the right lane unless our next turn would be to the left. We would ride under the speed limit in the left lane for 15 miles if that's how far the next turn was. Daddy, the former amateur racecar driver, always drove when they were together. 

Downtown and driving back to Irving, she pointed out where different businesses used to be and told me stories of when she and Daddy were dating. She told me about the first time he brought her to the loud, crowded Block house with any number of his 5 brothers and sisters and their offspring there. He generically introduced Mama to a group of Blocks by just saying, "This is Nancy." Then he trotted off down the hall to wash up because he smelled like Pep Boys and sweat - he often smelled like Pep Boys, and I still love the smell of a mechanic. There were nephews running around yelling and loud golf or football on TV.

Last night, I slept over at Mama's house. It's been more than 25 years since I slept in that house! We ate cookies my son made us with Bluebell vanilla ice cream cups, and we watched Antiques Roadshow. During commercials, she muted the TV and narrated the commercials herself. We were laughing probably a little TOO hard! After getting Mama settled for the night, I curled up in the spare room twin bed and thought about the 57 YEARS of memories our family made in the house.  

To continue our theme of sweets the next morning, I made a cherry pie, Daddy had bought premade crust and a can of filling, so it was a quick and easy pie-making process. It's quite yummy! 

We ordered her some groceries, and I stayed over and worked from her house yesterday. We had breakfast and lunch together and more conversations. 

I have definitely realized these few weeks how much I am like Mama. I have several of Daddy's traits, too, but I am very similar to her in a lot of ways: She's very smart and silly, and her organizational skills would wow almost anyone. She is a writer. She loves to read. She has rheumatoid arthritis. She had her first child in her early 20s just under a year after getting married. She doesn't wear much makeup or jewelry. She LOVES music and knows a ridiculous amount of song lyrics. She hates shoes. She tries to juggle everything and has running To-Do lists in her head. She's not great at asking for help. She's stubborn, especially when she wants to accomplish something on her own. 

Sound familiar? :-)

People often say everyone turns into their parents like it's a bad thing. I am proud to be a lot like my Mama. As a kid, I often was her shadow. She'd sit me up in a chair next to her desk and show me how to pay bills and bookkeep when I was old enough to understand the basic process. She still pays her bills the same way now, and still keeps extensive records and books on household spending. This made it so easy to pay a few bills for her when she needed me to. She taught me sewing and basic cooking and lots of life skills I'd need in life. I want to start recording her telling some of her stories and write many of them down. 

If you are lucky enough to have one or more of your parents still living and have a decent relationship with them, call them or visit as often as you can. Send them an actual, real letter in the mail. 

When I left Mama's house after work yesterday afternoon, she thanked me for all my help. I gave her a hug, told her I loved her, and told her I was very happy to be able to be there with her. 

Tell the people you love how much they mean to you. Often. You can never say, "I love you", "You're important to me", or "You are amazing" too many times.